It all started with a simple trip to my bathroom. I went in, shut the door, locked it, and headed to...well, ...you know. Just as I sat down, a slight movement caught my eye. To my intense horror, I locked eyes (fine, spider eyes are too tiny to "lock") with a large, brown HOBO SPIDER!!! I'm fiercely afraid of spiders, but put a poisonous one in front of me and I start to panic.
Here's the thing, you need to know the layout of my bathroom to understand the problematic situation I found myself in. When you enter the bathroom, straight ahead is a large tub with a long, skinny, rectangular window above it (my head couldn't even fit through it). Turn left in front of the tub, & you find our shower & throne. That's right...NO WINDOW, NO ESCAPE. I was cornered.
I got in the tub because it was the furthest point from the spider where I could still keep an eye on it. There, I found some worthy weapons. A rubber snake, a few plastic pokemon toys, a magazine, & a book. First, I started launching the toys at the spider. Unfortunately, my aim wasn't very good. I played softball growing up & you are always supposed to "keep your eye on the ball". Well I'm sorry, but looking at my frightening menace wasn't an option, so I had to throw with my eyes shut.
None of the toys hit it, but a few rolled back so I got some more shots in...missing every one. Eventually, all of the toys ended up right beneath the spider. I realized I was down to the magazine & book and that really scared me. I opened the window & started yelling for Hunter. I knew he was in the neighborhood somewhere and I figured if I yelled loud enough, he might come, but no such luck. Then, I started yelling for Cooper, but he was singing & dancing so loudly to High School Musical he couldn't hear me. Way to be there for me boys.
So, I picked up the magazine, took aim, closed my eyes, & threw it. Yep...I missed. It landed right below the spider. Only the book remained. I picked it up and decided to try a new tactic...the underhand toss. I got ready, closed my eyes, & sent it upward. Somehow, I hit my perfume bottle & body spray, sending them into my sink & on the floor...but the spider was safe. Heroically, I creeped along my counter and got the book again to give it one more try, resorting to overhand. That's right...no cigar!
I was out of weapons. They all lay below the spider...I swear that spider gave me an evil grin. Then, it hit me....hairspray. It was close enough to grab & I could spray it at the villain without getting to close. I picked it up and sprayed it with all my might. I hit it...the spider started moving....That is not what I was hoping for. I kept spraying until it dropped to the floor....what??? I didn't want it on the floor either. Then, some fierce warrior erupted from my being and I courageously grabbed the magazine and thrust it like a spear upon the demon spider. Victory was finally mine. Thank you family....not!!! Thank you Dove Hairspray!
6 comments:
so nasty. I can totally picture the whole scene! Maybe you should buy a megaphone for future!
Gross! But such a good story! Good to know what Dove hairspray can do! Now the question is, what did you do with the spider after it had been hairsprayed/speared to death?
I HATE Hobo Spiders! Way to be brave! We had a spider here yesterday as well. It had decided to make a web right on the molding to my pantry. I avoided it most of the day (which is a good way to diet) until I had to kill it when Carter got home from school.
Your words make me feel like I was right there with you. Soon after we moved to PA I was at the in laws and they have a pool and I saw the biggest spider it had to be a big as a half dollar, anyway i freaked and everyone looked at me and they all said I thought you were from Montana and the only thing I could say was that I had never seen a spider that big.
Leslie,
You are so funny and clever! I laughed so hard at this story...very descriptive. This is probably why you do so well in school. I swear, you're the only person I know who does so well in her classes that the teacher tells the class that one student has a good enough grade that if she took the final and failed she would still get an A, so go home Leslie. (wow, was that a run-on sentance or what?) Who does that? Anyway, this is also why you are so good at blogging. You have to be clever and funny. Also why I don't have a blog. Merry Christmas. BTW, are you bringing some of those Christmas treats our way? :)
Lynette
Lynette..my lips are sealed!!!
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